Mind Jumble...

Currently, my family wakes on a day to day basis wondering if they'll be greeted by Mary Poppins...or Mother Gothel. SOMETIMES they get lucky and find a lovely, makeup-wearing, hair-fixed Belle baking something delicious for them in the kitchen. Unfortunately, Belle doesn't visit often.

For all you moms and dads killing it at this isolation thing...I commend you. My highs and lows of what to feel and how to feel and what I'm actually feeling are driving me towards a Mad Hatter style of parenting, and friends...we can't let it go that far.

Or can we?

I laid in bed last night evaluating the last four weeks. My mind can't even grasp the fact we've been social distancing and doing our best to isolate for four crazy weeks. Where did the days go?! As I continued to dismantle the last weeks and what I've accomplished for my family during the time, I criticized myself by default. The should have's got me gooood...and I almost allowed my spirit to be defeated by their sneaky maneuvers. The sinking feeling kept getting deeper...and my fears of family failures spilled into personal failures... eventually demanding me to muster up some good vibes to prevent myself from jumping down the rabbit hole. It was at this moment I simply said to myself "I am so00 grateful".

The truth is, none of us are really okay right now. I've read your words on social media and I acknowledge your hurt and disappointment. We've all lost something...and my heart breaks for those who have lost the unbearable. It feels as though our hopes have been placed on pause while we sit in a holding room...waiting for the next move...waiting for someone to tell us what to do. Accepting the word "adaptation" into our lives has become more important than before, and the need to ditch a word like "normal" has become vital. There isn't a normal...and we know this. So why do we keep holding on to the idea of it?

As my eyes became heavier I refused to surrender until I walked myself through all areas of my life...reconciling the emotions associated with them. It didn't take me long. My reality the last four weeks has left me more grateful than I could have imagined. There's no question it wasn't ideal...but it's what we were given...and I would be foolish to not embrace it like it was meant be. Somehow, the more I listened to the gratefulness whispering in my ear, the clearer I heard the hopes still playing their song.

Moments before my eyes closed...I nestled my soul into the arms of gratefulness and remembered who I am. I will never be Belle, Mary Poppins, or thankfully the manipulative Mother Gothel. However, my unintentional channeling of the Mad Hatter is legit. While I’d love to be running a well scheduled learning environment over here, creativity is our squirrel. We can’t escape our need to create. If that means we wait patiently for Jack to smash out dissonant chords while learning a Legend of Zelda song on the piano, we’ll do so...knowing he improved from the time before. If scattered silk flowers are a sign Sophia‘s been at it with her latest creation, I accept the mess...tell her to clean it up...but I smile at her ability to make something so beautiful. When I walk in Hattie’s room and see a sketchbook with an incredible sketch in progress...my heart melts that she’s found a form of expression. As Nell becomes giddy about the arrival of her Frozen II piano book...I get even giddier to hear her play something new.

What am I really trying to say with all this mind jumble?

Embrace the new path we’ve been given...accept that none of us will get this “right”...and maybe just use a little more creativity for your wounded heart and soul. Hang in there, friends. You’re doing an incredible job.

My song choice is way too predictable, but earned its spot in this post.

Have an amazing weekend...


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